The following writing was submitted by Rodrigo, who is planning to take a C2 level examination soon. The report is well structured but presents several mistakes.
Let's support Rodrigo with some comments. All the best !
The
healthcare system in Spain
Feedback in red
Introduction
The aim of the report is to analyse the current situation of the
healthcare system in Spain, outlining the positive and negative points, as well as to stating to provide recommendations that could on how to make some improvement.
Current situation
It could be said that the healthcare in Spain is among the best ones around
the world, despite of the problems that we all could have in mind. (Which ones? We are not in Spain) In order to
have a better understanding of it, I have done (better in passive voice: a survey was carried out...) a survey to different players
related to healthcare (players?? check!) such as pacients patients, medical proffesionals, material
suppliers and pharmacies.
Seldom have they mentioned (why present perfect? check grammar) positive points to be outlined, but the few
ones are the basis of the whole system:
· - The attention is free and guaranted to all the patients.
· - The medical proffesionals are considered very well prepared
and skillful, with a great experience in the field.
· - The machinery and equipments (uncountable) in use are brand new, featuring
updated capabilities.
These are great positive remarks, albeit there are well-known negative
points that were outlined:
-Waiting time to be attended is longer than it should be. Even
more for operations rather diagnosis. (check grammar)
· -Instalations Facilities are old and a renewal is becoming a must
· -The payment terms among the different partners (public
entities to suppliers and to pharmacies) are too long.
Measures for improvement
The adjusted budget of the public entity determines that more
proffesionals, better instalations facilities and more fluent payments is hardly to be
assumed at the same time. (check grammar)
However, the possibility of co-payment in order to reduce the level of
overcrowding will give a release on the waiting lists and could be a plus to
enhance the payment terms in the supply chain.
Conclusion
Bearing in mind all the points detailed, we could say (why in conditional?) we have a great
healthcare system, whereas (check the use of whereas) some improvements need to be done to keep it in the
upper part of the world ranking.
In my opinion, the co-payment recommendation would be a good starting
point to solve this tangled situation.
Rodrigo