CPE 2017 Essay correction

Hi Gustavo! I am taking the CPE exam soon and would really appreciate it if you could check this essay out. It would also be helpful if you would give me a mark. Thanks in advance!

Aurora Garcia

Task

Read the two texts below.

Write an essay summarising and evaluating the key points from both texts. Use your own words throughout as far as possible, and include your own ideas in your answers.

Write your answer in 240–280 words.

A world without risk

Compared to what it used to be, the world has become a relatively safe place; life is no longer a dangerous adventure. Instead it is dull, dull, dull. Now that many of us no longer face real danger, we pretend it’s there. We get our thrills from imagining the world is more dangerous than it is. Newspapers and news bulletins contribute to this, giving people the impression that even as they huddle in their armchairs, they are really up against raw and frightful threats.

Taking risks

We hear stories over and over again about the people who reach the end of their lives and regret the fact that they never took any risks, that they never challenged life and stepped out and tried something that was beyond their current existence. If people take care of every possible outcome of risk before they’re willing even to take it, they turn the risk into a calculated venture, and try to control it, losing most of the potential benefit of taking the risk. Risk can make us more mature, wiser and stronger.

Write your essay.

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Part 1 essay 

Write a title here

Central to both texts is a consideration of risk as an inherent feature of the human nature. They both identify a shift in the current attitude towards it, however varied their reasons may be -and which definetely are.

Cambridge CPE 2017 Sample Essay and Feedback

Dear Gustavo, 

I would really appreciate it if you could revise this essay I have just written for my upcoming CPE exam. The piece can be found attached to this email in Word format. 

Many thanks in advance and I look forward to hearing from you. 

Regards,

Rocío 

Feedback in red

Home is where the heart is

It is often the case that the first place that flashes through our minds when in need of an appropriate space to relax and disconnect from the many personal and professional maelstroms taking place in life happens to be our very own dwelling. Indeed, this seems to be one of the advantages and inconveniences of staying at home.

The first text puts forward the idea that only at home will are we be able to find a certain degree of peace and quiet. (say way we have so much stress and how we can relax at home) One justification often given for this statement is that there is no place like home, thus suggesting that it provides us with the necessary gadgets so as to achieve a state of nirvana. (Feedback: Not clear enough what you mean)

Cambridge FCE 2017 Sample Writing and Feedback

Hello!

I’m preparing myself to the B2 (First) and it would be very helpful if you correct my writings.

Please, find attached my first sample.

Many thanks in advance!

José Luis Díaz Miguel

ESSAY – 2017/07/09

Essay question

Some people think that school does not prepare students adequately for real life. Do you agree?

Notes

Wite about:

1. The content of lessons
2. Social relationships
3. …………….. (your own idea)

140-190 words

Are School Students adequately prepared for real life?

This (is a) good question, (which) I would be asked not only students, but everyone. All of us must (should) analyse whether we are certainly prepared for real life or however if we are no more than owners of pure theoretical knowledge.

Schools and other educational institutions offer us lots of face-to-face and on-line lessons, and nowadays both in face-to-face way or alternatively on-line which means that a lot of the theory is available for us (to access) in different formats. But is this enough?

Feedback: Paragraph is not complete, what is the "content" of lessons? What do you learn about at school?

CPE 2017 Letter of Complaint Sample and Feedback

Dear Gustavo

I would like you to revise and check the letter I attach to this email.

Thanks in advance for your help!

Feedback in red

Dear Sirs Editor,

I am writing to complain about the TV  Coca Cola advertisement shown yesterday afternoon (date)  during Tom and Jerry episodes on NBC (time?).

The advertisement promoted  portrays two children who... appeared in a green park, playing with a frisbee and their lovely puppy. After having a wonderful time, they were given a couple of soda cans. At the same time, an off-voice said that that product was one of the most suitable alternatives to be successful using the phrase "Be happy, drink Coke". To make matters worse, children on the advertisement were shown with their mothers, who were smoking cigarettes while discussing about business. Needless to say that after having drunk the product, both kids were shown with big smiles on their faces and happily sharing with their families. (No need to write a whole paragraph describing the advertisement. Write just 2 lines about it and then explain clearly what the problem is with children drinking cola or people smoking). 

I feel that this sort of advertisements should not be seen by kids.  Sodas are neither healthy nor suitable for children. As a matter of fact, sugared products like sodas are the prevalent cause for children´s obesity.  Moreover, there are plenty of scientific researches which reveal that children will have a longer life expectancy if they are prevented from consuming sugar and flour until they are sixteen years old or older. Regarding the issued of smoking, I am absolutely conscious of the fact that deciding whether to smoke is up to everyone.  While I have no objection to smokers, I strongly feel  that this sort of harmful products should not be advertised during children´s programmes as they may not be able to understand the difference between a well-promoted product and a healthy one. They may probably become an easy target for advertisers due to the fact that they are not aware of the damage those products can cause. (This paragraph is too long compared with the others. Consider breaking it in two. And don't you think your point of view is a little bit extreme? There are certainly some positive Coca Cola tv advertisements that I remember).

To sum up I would kindly request you to stop advertising this product during the time children are likely to be watching TV. I have already written to Coca Cola Co. asking them not to show this advertisement during safe harbour hours. (Sounds a bit too aggressive)

I look forward to hearing from you

Yours faithfully

CAE 2017 Report Sample and Feedback

Hello!

I’m preparing myself to the CAE and it would be very helpful if you correct my writings. Please, find attached 3 pieces, I don’t know if it’s possible to correct all of them.

Many thanks in advance!

Have a nice day

Encarnación Muñoz 

Feedback in red

Report on the Staff Development Programme

Introduction

In this report I will provide a description of the training course carried out to improve the performance of our staff at work. (Make it more formal. Don't use "I": The following report provides...)

Organisation of the training modules ( This subtitle not connected with the Task. Read it again. I would suggest "Contents of the course and most useful moduls") 

CPE Essay Sample 2017 Correction and Feedback

Dera Gustavo,

Here you will find two tasks I recently wrote as part of my practicing for the CPE, hope you can help me,

thanks so much

regards,

Patricia Landa.

Writing Paper Part 1. Task Type: Essay

Read the two texts below.
Write an essay summarizing and evaluating the key points from both texts. Use your own words throughout as far as possible and include your own ideas in your answers.

Modals of Flexible Working Over recent years many companies have moved away from the notion of fixed working hours, following the standard nine-to-five, Monday-to-Friday pattern. There is far more provision today for staff to take advantage of flexible working opportunities of various kinds. With high-speed Internet connections available to many, home-working has become a practical option for companies and members of staff. This modal of flexible working has been particularly beneficial for staff working on projects that entail spending little time in the office. The introduction of formal job-sharing also benefits employees who wish to have a greater work-life balance, particularly those with young children. Finally, employees often have access to flexi-time, the chance to 'bank' hours by working overtime and 'withdrawing' hours when time off is needed.

Employer Concerns A recent survey of UK small-businesses discovered an underlying sense of disquiet about the issue of flexible working. Many companies feel under pressure to agree to requests out of fear they will be taken to court by their employee should they refuse. However, business advisers point out that employees have the right to request flexible working not the right to have it agreed. It might not be feasible for a company to agree to requests if the business depends on particular modals of operation, or if such a request would require significant change for a small business. As well as reassuring small businesses of their legal position, companies are also being encouraged to see flexible working as an opportunity rather than a threat. Experience shows it will often benefit both the company and its employees by having a positive impact on motivation and efficiency.

Write the essay. (around 240 - 280 words)

Answer:

Flexible working hours: A walk through the heavens or living hell?

(Feedback in red)

Working hours have been a serious matter along the years in our history, many people fought for their rights back in the 19^th century, and after many protests we no longer have to work more than eight hours daily, today technology is bringing within new ideas about when and where to work and some companies are taking into consideration provide their employees flexible working hours instead of the usual model, but this is also generating certain uneasiness among small companies which cannot afford the many changes these kind of requests may involve. 

(1. Check punctuation! Is it just one super long sentence? No full stops?

2. Is this the introduction? Why is it so long?)