Hi Gustavo,
I'm sending you my first essay I wrote for Part 1 of the writing test. This must be the hardest part of the exam since I have no reliable way of knowing just how good my writing is and what grade it will merit. So any feedback will be greatly appreciated! Thanks!
Best Regards,
George
P.S. Pay no heed to the title, it was a joke between me and my teacher :)
Burn the zoos! Hang the
keepers!
(unabridged version. also the
only one)
Does conservation justify incarceration? That
is a dilemma zoo opponents raise. Crammed zoo enclosures, they say,
are hardly appropriate for wild animals which regularly exhibit
physical and mental discomfort in captivity. On the other hand, those
in defense of zoos insist that they are instrumental in keeping
animal extinction at bay.
Our understanding of animals has come a long
way from perceiving them as mindless automations. Today, we are well
aware of the fact that their inner world is every bit as
sophisticated as even our own. Can we then in good conscience
continue to deprive them of their freedom, knowing full well the
anguish this entails?
And while the notion that Zoos offer
opportunities for scientific research holds some credence, its
relevance is best taken with a grain of salt. For one can raise a
serious objection to such a research and purely on scientific grounds
too: animals exposed to adverse psychological conditions are bound to
display pathological behavior and thus any observation will have
questionable scientific merit. Add to all of this the fact that a
positive link between zoos and education is yet to be established,
and you’ll see that the case for zoos is looking rather flimsy.
Modern-day technology can certainly rise to any
challenge of observing animals in the wild, and if the funds
currently used to run zoos are spent on dismantling black markets and
other anti-poaching efforts then there would be no need for zoos. The
animals would again be safe in their indigenous environments.
There is no disagreement that a lot of animal
species are nearing the brink of extinction as a direct consequence
of human activity, and so the responsibility for action lies with us.
However, the delicate nature of animals behooves us to seek more
humane alternatives to zoos.
Submitted by: George R
Words: 311
Feedback:
Dear George, I read it twice and I find nothing to correct. Seems very well written to me.
Let´s challenge our readers to maybe find something to correct/improve. Congrats.
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