Hello Gustavo,
I have been preparing for my CPE exam for a few months now, but I concentrated mostly on the grammar, listening and reading parts. My writing has been rather neglected, since i passed my FCE exam about 4 years ago.
I started visiting your blog and it really inspired me to start preparing more thoroughly for the exam, so I would be grateful if you could take a look at the article that I wrote and point out the mistakes that i'm sure i made a lot of. I took the liberty of using the task about happiness, that somebody sent to you, i hope that's ok.
One last thing -I am aware that the word count is way above the limit, but since it is my first writing in a very long time, i didn't want to restrain myself ( on the exam I'll stick to the official word count limit ;) ). I hope that won't be a problem.
Best regards,
Sophie
Task
An
English languange magazine is running a series on the topic of
happiness. You decide to send in an article.
You shoud briefly
describe one or two situations in which you have expreienced a sense
of happiness. you
should also analyse what contributes to feelings of
happiness for many people, and suggest whether the pursuit
of
happiness is a worthwhile aim
A
formula for happiness
Even
though the sense of happiness is
most likely familiar to most people, the causes of it can differ for
everybody. Some individuals can experience contentment doing the most
basic tasks and activities like spending time with their loved ones,
working out or taking up a new hobby. Others, can have a different
approach and find happiness in the oddest of situations like bungee
jumping or on the contrary- lying in bed all day. Who are we to
judge?
For
me personally, happiness is a feeling, I try to aim for every single
day, because is usually appears alongside others like love,
empowerment or the sense of achievement. I can recall a few
situations, which had me filled with happiness and which I consider
milestones of my life. One of them, concerning my relationship is
quite cliché, but to be honest, which relationship story is not?
Before my fist boyfriend, I never really knew what people meant when
they referred to “ butterflies in their stomach” . Little did I
know about the swarm of butterflies that would came flooding in, when
on one beautiful day, my boyfriend told me for the very first time
that he loved me . Never before have had I felt so filled with love and
happiness. So I guess what they say is true- that the fist “ I love
you” is a moment you do not forget. (Feedback: Last line gives the impression you are taking about love. Maybe better to re-write and say something about "happiness").
Another
moment in which I felt indescribable happiness, is connected with my
academic career. A few years ago, I applied for a student exchange
program in my university and I was extremely anxious since there was
only one spot available and my competition was rather strong. After
the results were announced and it was revealed that I was the one who
got the spot, I felt like I could conquer the world- the feelings of
happiness and achievement were overwhelming.
Happiness
is a feeling experienced by a great number of people around the world
every single minute. So what exactly contributes to this feeling ?
The answer to that question is unfortunately, not that easy.
Happiness is a very personal and individual concept, so the means to
achieving it can be different for literally everybody. Obviously,
there are some things that are universally known for contributing to
this feeling like family, love, realising dreams and even money, but
there is no formula or recipe for happiness. When you think about it,
that is a good thing- it helps us discover ourselves on a different,
psychological level.
The
pursuit of happiness is a lifelong experience. It can be hard, it
can be challenging, it can even make you want to give up on chasing a
feeling, that can be so easily taken away. But it is important to
remember, that once you finally find it, you will realise that
everything leading up to that moment was worth it. That, in my
opinion, is the purest of human needs- wanting to be happy. (Feedback: What you write as a conclusion must be somehow connected to what you wrote before. I fail to see this connection. It is not so clear to me).
General Feedback:
All in all well done. The text is organised and the level of grammar and vocabulary are more than just Ok!
Just remember to stick to the number of words and you should do great in the exam. Best wishes and please give us a Like on Facebook or Google+
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