CPE free correction and feedback 2017

Hi,

I have just bumped into your page where you offer free correction service for students with the aim of taking Cambridge exams. I would like to take the CPE in July.

I have attached some of my writings to get them checked. I hope you can provide me with a few tips as to how to improve them. Thanks in advance

Üdvözlettel / Mit Freundlichen Grüssen / Best wishes:

Sinkovicz Tamás

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Task Type: Article

Question

You have recently read an article from a youth magazine on the problem of inactivity in young people. The magazine has invited its readers to respond to the topic by writing a short article of their own, which answers the following questions:

Why are our young people becoming 'couch potatoes', and what can we do to solve the problem?

You should focus on young people in your country (or a country that you know well).

Write the article for the readers of the magazine. (around 280 - 320 words).

Feedback in red

Inactive lifestyle among youngsters

Adults may not be the ideal role model for the younger generation, given the fact that the number of physically passive grown-ups seems to be increasing. Many of them do not exercise regularly in spite of the fact that the health benefits of active lifestyle are widely broadcast/known/acknowledged. Parents sometimes trap their children into sedentary state for their own convenience .Children these days spend more time inside than out, which was an unseen behavior for the kids of the 80s and 90s. Not only does our reluctance have something to do with our inactivity but also it is the world that makes us too comfy. (Is the introduction missing? Or this is supposed to be the introduction? If so, the text is way too long).

Our reluctance against desk-bound lifestyle appears to be topped off by the fact that such technological advancements are being produced that promote comfortable and untroubled way of living. Our motionless habits then ossify and we find ourselves ensconcing into  our couch every other day. Accordingly, it is nothing short of miracle that we do not follow an active lifestyle. For instance, many devices are remotely controlled, requiring us to do nothing with the exception of pushing some buttons. This , combined with too much time being spent on sedentary behaviors such as computer games , television watching or the nowadays trendy facebook-addiction , may be contributor to weight gain, particularly among teens.

Despite the fact that teens in my country sometimes have a whale of time, (what do you mean? ) they usually shy away from any sport. It is clear that young adults usually carry too much weight on their shoulders both due to unimaginable volume of work in curriculum and out-of-school activities such as attending driving lessons or preparing for a language exam. Thus, their being enormously overburdened by different activities may may dishearten them from doing sports. I know many who feel that they do not have time for doing sports and if they do, they would not spend their little free time doing anything that is considered active.

In conclusion, I would suggest that in order for the number of inactive youngsters to decrease in statistics , they (who?) should reduce the amount of school-work. This way, youngsters would have more time for sports and a healthy lifestyle.