CPE Writing Exam practice. See Feedback in Red.

Dear CPESamplewritings

I would very much appreciate your opinion and advice on my writing skills. I am currently preparing myself for the CPE exam. Thank you in advance.

Konstadina N

CPE Writing

Part 1

Read the two texts below:

Write an essay summarising and evaluating the key points from both texts. Use your own words throughout as far as possible, and include your own ideas in your answer.

Write your answer in 240-280 words.

Advertising – an unfair practice?

Today’s consumers are becoming ever more materialistic and easily fall prey to marketing strategies employed by advertising agencies everywhere. Eye-catching pictures in glossy magazines and catchy jingles on TV and the radio encourage people to spend more, whether they need the products being advertised or not. Many products become status symbols as adverts brainwash unsuspecting consumers and influence their buying habits. In particular, commercials aimed at a young audience, shown at peak viewing times, can generate a huge demand for products, much to the dismay of parents, especially around Christmastime. Perhaps it is time more restrictions were placed on advertisers and consumers were allowed to make up their own minds.

Why advertising is necessary?

Should we do away with advertising altogether? No, because advertising is meant to inform the consumer of what is available and also to bring in much-needed revenue to both radio and TV stations as well as the manufacturers themselves. The film industry too is profiting from advertising. One of the more subtle methods of fixing a brand name in the customer’s mind is by way of “product placement”, which involves a film company being paid to prominently display a product during the course of a film. All the better if the main character uses the product at some stage.

Answer:

(Feedback is in red)

No title???

Nowadays, people seem to get more and more materialistic and all of that due to advertising. However, as manipulated as we think we are from the perfect world of advertising, we should all raise the question: Should we do away with advertising altogether? (Feedback: why "however"?)

Many people believe that we should, if not ban advertising, at least place restrictions. That is, of course, right when we are not overreacting. Advertising is, indeed, a way of manipulation. It triggers people’s wishes, ambitions and sensibilities in order to get them to buy a certain product. This system is particularly successful among children, an easily fall prey, that are mesmerized by the fancy pictures, bright colours and catchy jingles on TV and the radio. (Check the use of commas)

On the other hand, we have to admit that advertising is a hug, and highly successful, may I add, industry. Astronomical amounts of profits are made everytime a new product is advertised. That makes advertising agencies a much-needed source of incomes to TV, radio, manufacturers as well as the film industry, where film companies are paid to display a product during a film. Other than that, advertising is a way of informing customers of what products are available in the market and the discount that come with it, as well as new preferable products. (I would also say that it provides jobs to many people)

To sum up, I believe that advertising is a kind of a necessary sacrifice. (Feedback: Is it too much?) When people use it to inform themselves and make up their mind on the products that are better for them, balance is restored. (What is the answer to the question in the introduction?)