Dear Gustavo,
Would you, please, be so kind as to read and assess my essay (CPE Writing task 1 format). I'd really appreciate any advice and suggestions.
Sincerely,
Natalia
WRITING
PART1
Read
the two texts below.
Write
an essay summarising and evaluating the key points from both texts.
Use
your own words throughout as
far as possible,
and
include your own ideas in your answer.
Write
your answer
in 240-280
words.
Unsustainable
tourism
We
are increasingly
familiar with some of the worst
effects
of unthinking,
unmanaged,
unsustainable
tourism:
previously
undeveloped coastal villages
that have become sprawling,
charmless
towns, their
seas poisoned
by sewage,
denuded of
wildlife,
their
beaches
stained
with
litter and tubes of sun cream; and historic towns,
their
streets
now choked with
traffic, their temples, churches and cathedrals
seemingly reduced to a backdrop
for holiday snaps that proclaim, ‘Been
there. Done
that’. Less
appreciated, perhaps, is the social dislocation
unsustainable
tourism can cause: once-cohesive
communities disrupted as the holiday
industry replaces
old
crafts,
turning
fishermen into tour boat operators and farmers into fast-food
store waiters or hotel cleaners.
Criticism
of the tourism industry
Although
its strongest
critics
view
the
tourism
industry
as a rapacious
predator - moving on to fresh conquests
after one
environment has been spoiled,
and forever
fuelling
the desires of holidaymakers
with the prospect of a new paradise that must be enjoyed ‘before
it’s gone’
- there
are
many within the industry who reject the claim.
They are
at least
partly right. There are examples where the travel trade is
doing better. Of course, reforming initiatives
often come
after the damage has been done and in some cases for public relations
purposes rather than from a commitment
to sustainability.
Write
your
essay.
Feedback and text that needs to be corrected/re-checked is in red.
Tourism
– time for reforms!
Over the past ten
years or so the media have frequently carried reports of the
appalling side-effects of mass tourism. The analysed texts are in
tune with this both exploring the impacts of the tourism industry,
yet from different perspectives.
The first extract
evaluates the negative effects of unsustainable tourism on local
communities from environmental as well as socio-cultural viewpoints.
The presented arguments, in my opinion, are quite persuasive (which arguments?). Not
only are the places of outstanding natural beauty being polluted and
many species being deprived of their natural habitats to feed the
insatiable monster of mass tourism, but also people living there have
been deemed worthy only when they can serve the beast.
The second text,
while acknowledging the criticism, offers a counterpoint, claiming
that there have been some positive developments in the travel trade.
According to the author, “many within the industry” have already
embraced a responsible approach to tourism. Regrettably, however,
reforming initiatives tend to occur in the aftermath of some
irreversible changes in local communities and ecosystems. Moreover, I
am inclined to believe that only rarely do we witness a deep sincere
commitment to sustainable tourism. It is the attractive public image
that drives some of the so-called reformers, not the real concern
about the future of our planet.
To sum up, the
extracts present criticism focused specifically on the phenomenon of
mass tourism, urging the industry leaders to follow the best examples
of commitment to sustainability before it is too late. I support this
message wholeheartedly.
Feedback: The title is "time for reforms" but I think you didn't really mentioned any. All in all, I find the text well-written but the level of vocabulary of the 2 example texts is so high, that it is difficult to compete with it.
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