CPE 2017 Proposal Sample and feedback

Dear Gustavo,

My name is Rubén, I am a biologist from Valencia who is facing next September 12th the second writing and listening exams to get the C2 certificate.

I would like to ask you to briefly check my exercise just in case you are available. You could use it or post it or whatever you want.

Thank you very much. Your website is helping me so much in my study.

Regards

Rubén

Task

Write a proposal to a Department of Agriculture and Environment to warn them about the necessity of taking measures in order to preserve the threatened dragonflies populations of the countryside.

Feedback in red

Proposal on

 the conservation of Dragonflies

Introduction (Feeback: I am adding 'headings', which are normally used in reports and proposals) 

This proposal outlines the threat suffered by the Mediterranean dragonflies populations throughout the entire Valencian region. Human activity is increasing year after year over wetlands, fields of crops and other important ecosystems. Never before have these insects been so close to the risk of extinction.

(Add heading)

A number of recent investigations have demonstrated a relationship between the increase in drought periods and the availability of sweet water in the habitats of most dragonfly species. Moreover, the quality of the water is getting lower due to huge concentration of mineral salts and the lack of oxygen in many lagoons and streams. (Why is this information relevant? How is it connected to Dragonflies?)

(Add heading) 

With respect to water pollution, it is the spread of pesticides amongst the crops that is damaging the vast majority of insects which are potential preys of dragonflies and damselflies as well. Therefore, feeding is becoming a more and more complicated task for these flying predators.

(Add heading) 

Moreover, farmers and land owners tend to chop off the surrounding vegetation. As a result, many invertebrates in which dragonflies depend on are getting short on food and shelter. Consequently, their disappearing is already a proven fact.

The aim of this proposal is giving some recommendations to ensure the protection of the endangered species of dragonflies. Some of them are as follows:

a) The management of the irrigation systems must be improved in order to save water and avoid its overexploitation. (why? how? explain)

b) We firmly suggest the banning of pesticides, at least in those wetlands that could be influenced by agricultural activities. (why? how? explain)

c) It is strongly advised to maintain rows of wild vegetation around the crops to create biological richness in their surroundings.(why? how? explain)

(Add heading)

I trust you will give my proposal full consideration, given that there appears to be no alternative but changing the environmental policy if we want to preserve our natural heritage.

General Feedback

Grammar and Vocabulary are good for CPE level. 

BUT the document is supposed to be a proposal and real proposals (ideas to solve a problem) appear only in paragraph 4 and badly developed.