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Friday, 1 September 2017
CPE 2017 Discursive Essay Sample and Feedback
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(Write a title)
Advertisements, with either real or fake promises, have been torpedoing our inner
shield meant to defend our insecurities against being played on.
According to some studies, the youth are sometimes even more exposed
to being deceived and are expected to make unweighed choices (by who?).
However, they often prove themselves wiser than they seem at first
sight. The texts are contrasting different viewpoints on the young
consumer groups. (I recommend an introduction with 4 lines, max. 5)
The first text suggests
that youngsters usually purchase itemswith
either little or no forethought at all
and (that they) are easily influenced by both their peers and also
icons from variousfields
of show business. It is suggested
that this attitude is contagious and may also dominate the shopping
habits of parents - luring them into buying
articles without thinking twice. Indeed, many times have I convinced
my parents to buy – as later turned out – unnecessary items. (Check word order in the last sentence)
the first text goes on to mention the inclination of youngsters to
follow trends and copy each other. In spite of this being true,
copying one another’s style cannot only
be thought of as a quirk of youngsters since it is
also common among other age groups too. Consequently, the
inner urge to measure up to the expectations of society is a
human trait and under no circumstance should
copying others be perceived as (a) deviation
from social conventions.
second text insightfully indicates,
youngsters may not be(?) that pliable, because they may have grown up in
the unending bombardment of ads which theymight
have accustomed themselves to and by doing so,
they have become resistant to the
temptation of advertisements. Notwithstanding the deceptive
nature of some ads, advertisements, varying
greatly both in nature and function, can also be informative
– as implied by the writer of the second text. This being
said, adverts can also
help people make easier and better choices. (Check use of modal verbs)
with the explosion of channels and websites, advertisements hold sway
over us making it almost impossible for us to escape. I would also
mention that subliminal advertising, to which we are exposed on a
daily basis, is even more harmful. Our minds take up more information
than we think they do – doing this without us knowing. However, we
are still responsible for our choices and should act after exploring
more options in order that the best one can be found.
Good use of grammar and high level use of vocabulary, just be careful not to make the text "too difficult to read" for wanting to use elaborated words.
I think you are missing a conclusion. Another thing is that you have to check the number of words. I have not counted them but it seems a little too long?