Tuesday, 5 September 2017

CAE Essay Sample, feedback and comments.

Hello, 
I read on your blog that you check CAE writings for free, so I would be very thankful if you could check this Essay and this article, 
thank you in forwards.

Celia


Task

In today’s consumer society, people place too much importance on things that cost a lot of money. Write an Essay about it.

Feedback in red

Write a title!

It is often said that in today’s society, people place too much importance on expensive objects, others claim that it is necessary on a daily basis to get a life with more quality. But, why do they feel like this? (Feedback: Intro doesn´t make much sense. Not clear what your point is.)

There are many reasons for people to place a lot of importance on expensive things,  (but there are a few examples. (What do u mean?) Most of them are background reasons. (???) Not everyone has been raised in the same environment. Some people had everything they needed and wished for, coming from their parents to place that much importance on these material things, (???) making them temporarily happy, then there is another group that thinks that the more expensive, the better quality, which sometimes tends to be true , but is not always the case because there are people who buy them to get a “status” . The third group is made by people that had almost nothing during their childhood and want to fill up that emptiness by endlessly buying expensive objects because they really do think that it will make them more considerable. But will it make them happy? (Paragraph is too long. There are a lot of disorganised  arguments. Not clear what point you are trying to state)

I can honestly say that sometimes I do feel the urge to buy everything I like, but my subconscious regulates my thoughts and makes me think clear, do I really need it? (Paragraph is too short)


Taking everything into consideration, I think that it takes some time to find balance , but eventually everyone is capable of finding a way to a less consumerist lifestyle. (Why and how do you get to that conclusion?)

General Feedback: This essay needs major revision in terms of organisation and in terms of content. Grammar and vocabulary need to be improved. Text would benefit also of more formal language, because essays are academic documents.

Monday, 4 September 2017

CPE 2017 Letter to an Editor Sample and Feedback

Dear Gustavo,

after having read my proposal task in your blog, I would like you to check a shorter composition. In this case, I have written a letter to an editor about an article published in her magazine. The article outlines the Spanish teachers´ lack of quality. 
The number of words has to be less than180.
I would appreciate if you could take a brief look at it at least.

Thank you for your free time and your consideration

Sincerely,

Rubén 


Task:
Letter to an editor: disagreement with a newspaper article 

Feedback in red

Dear Editor,

As a teacher of sciences, I would like to express my disagreement with the article about the teachers from Spain (which) you published two days ago.

First and foremost, the author, who is not an expert in the issue field, offers an unbelievably negative picture of the Spanish educators rather than criticize suggesting some improvable aspects of for the teaching community in this country. Particularly, I also think that the data that he provides is inaccurate. He places the Spanish educators in a very low position in the European ranking, which is a misled fact. (say why/ give the right numbers)

Notwithstanding, I agree up to a point with some of the author´s ideas. As far as academis (?) success is concerned, there is no doubt that much more has to be done, especially in terms of school drop-out. (Why? give us some numbers) However, nothing is mentioned about the achievements in professional training, and they deserve to be remarked inasmuch as Spanish students are given today a wider range of qualifications to be chosen. (I don't understand what you mean)

I am requesting you to persuade you (???) from publishing articles which, like this one, do not truly reflect the reality of our education system.
Thank you for your time and consideration


(Yours sincerely)
Rubén Gracia

Friday, 1 September 2017

CPE 2017 Discursive Essay Sample and Feedback

Hello I would like to send you a writing task I’ve just finished. If you some time to spare, please provide me with some useful info
Thanks a lot

Üdvözlettel / Mit Freundlichen Grüssen / Best wishes:

Sinkovicz 


Feedback in red


(Write a title)

Advertisements, with either real or fake promises, have been torpedoing our inner shield meant to defend our insecurities against being played on. According to some studies, the youth are sometimes even more exposed to being deceived and are expected to make unweighed choices (by who?). However, they often prove themselves wiser than they seem at first sight. The texts are contrasting different viewpoints on the young consumer groups. (I recommend an introduction with 4 lines, max. 5)

Thursday, 31 August 2017

CPE 2017 Proposal Sample and feedback

Dear Gustavo,

My name is Rubén, I am a biologist from Valencia who is facing next September 12th the second writing and listening exams to get the C2 certificate.

I would like to ask you to briefly check my exercise just in case you are available. You could use it or post it or whatever you want.

Thank you very much. Your website is helping me so much in my study.

Regards

Rubén


Task

Write a proposal to a Department of Agriculture and Environment to warn them about the necessity of taking measures in order to preserve the threatened dragonflies populations of the countryside.

Feedback in red


Proposal on
 the conservation of Dragonflies

Introduction (Feeback: I am adding 'headings', which are normally used in reports and proposals) 
This proposal outlines the threat suffered by the Mediterranean dragonflies populations throughout the entire Valencian region. Human activity is increasing year after year over wetlands, fields of crops and other important ecosystems. Never before have these insects been so close to the risk of extinction.

(Add heading)
A number of recent investigations have demonstrated a relationship between the increase in drought periods and the availability of sweet water in the habitats of most dragonfly species. Moreover, the quality of the water is getting lower due to huge concentration of mineral salts and the lack of oxygen in many lagoons and streams. (Why is this information relevant? How is it connected to Dragonflies?)

(Add heading) 
With respect to water pollution, it is the spread of pesticides amongst the crops that is damaging the vast majority of insects which are potential preys of dragonflies and damselflies as well. Therefore, feeding is becoming a more and more complicated task for these flying predators.

(Add heading) 
Moreover, farmers and land owners tend to chop off the surrounding vegetation. As a result, many invertebrates in which dragonflies depend on are getting short on food and shelter. Consequently, their disappearing is already a proven fact.
The aim of this proposal is giving some recommendations to ensure the protection of the endangered species of dragonflies. Some of them are as follows:

a) The management of the irrigation systems must be improved in order to save water and avoid its overexploitation. (why? how? explain)
b) We firmly suggest the banning of pesticides, at least in those wetlands that could be influenced by agricultural activities. (why? how? explain)
c) It is strongly advised to maintain rows of wild vegetation around the crops to create biological richness in their surroundings.(why? how? explain)

(Add heading)
I trust you will give my proposal full consideration, given that there appears to be no alternative but changing the environmental policy if we want to preserve our natural heritage.


General Feedback
Grammar and Vocabulary are good for CPE level. 
BUT the document is supposed to be a proposal and real proposals (ideas to solve a problem) appear only in paragraph 4 and badly developed.