Wednesday, 29 March 2017

CAE Exam 2017 Writing practice. Free correction and feedback.

Hi Gustavo,

I will have my advanced exam in May and I see you offer free service of writings correction. I desperately need some one who can do this for me. It would be great if you would my essays too.

Kind regards,

Tabitha



Difficulty levelC1 /Advanced
Write your answer in 220-260 words in an appropriate style.
You have read an online article about changes in the types of subject taught at secondary schools. The article says that some traditional subjects may no longer be taught at school. Four of the subjects discussed are mentioned below, along with some of the readers’ comments.
Which subjects may no longer be taught at secondary school?
Music ‘Most students who are interested in music take lessons out of school.’
Geography ‘Why do we need to know the names of rivers and mountains around the world?’
History‘It’s all about the past. At schools, we need to be focussing on the future.’
Art‘Art lessons allow kids to explore their creativity.’
Write an essay discussing TWO of the subjects mentioned above. You should explain why you think these subjects should continue to be taught at secondary schools, giving reasons to support your answer.
You may, if you wish, make use of the opinions expressed by other readers, but you should use your own words as far as possible.


Always improve, always remember

Education has always been subject to change. Likewise Secondary schools, were nowadays, traditional subjects may no longer be taught. In the year 2001 the management of the Secondary schools decided to no longer educate  traditional subjects, among others, music and history. (Feedback: words  or lines in red need to be checked/ corrected )
Although few students choose to take lessons out of school, there is still a majority that can’t afford taking music lessons after class. Recent survey has proved that students who are exploring their musical abilities, simultaneously improve many other skills. Musical activities seem to stimulate the brain, which causes the students to accelerate in almost every area. Students for example love to play music of their favourite bands. At the same time they improve their language skills by learning lyrics of all kinds of songs. (Feedback: Paragraph needs more order.  State your idea clearly in the firsl line and then justify it. Example: You say in the first line that Music should continue in schools and then in the following lines you give some arguments why).
This brings me to a completely different but equally important issue, namely the subject history. It might be obvious that there is no future without history. One can say that thanks to the past we can make better choices in the future. I believe we would all agree on the fact that we should remember the massive errors made during World War II and learn from it to avoid repetition of this horrible event. Though I realize my next argument is something quite different, I can’t fail to emphasise that discoveries made in the past will be of great benefit of our future. Why re-invent the wheel? (Again, be direct. In the first paragraph say: There is no future withouth history. It is fundamental to continue teaching histories in schools because... // So, state your idea and then give us some very good reasons).
To sum up I am convinced that traditional subjects like music and history should be kept on being taught at secondary schools. Musical creativity as well as the awareness of the past will make the students greatly valued by society.

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Dear Tabitha I hope this feedback helps.
Please feel free to make some comments below.