Thursday, 2 March 2017
I saw your post on the CPE sample writings blog and decided to send you an essay on the influence of advertisements in young people's life.
I would be grateful if you could take a look at it.
Please find annexed the two texts and the word document with my writing essay.
Both texts reflect on the relationship between advertising and young people. While text one suggests teenagers take part in more important decisions than people often recognise, text two regards publicity and its actual influence on teens. (Feedback: I don't think this really summarises the essense of the texts)
According to the first passage, not only do young people give publicity a major role when purchasing items but also does the teenager’s impact spectrum go up-to certain family buying decisions. The writer also states that teens are buying items based on hearsay and peer pressure. The sad reality is that young people tend to stick to the status quo in order to achieve acceptance by others, following trends when perhaps they have the opportunity to make their own and buying fashionable items that only serve the purpose of being fashionable. (Feedback: check lines in red) ("The sad reality"...you think it is sad? or the text implies that?)
The second text raises the issue that young people are more prone to advertisements influence due to diminishing cognitive skills. On the other hand, the writer also states that many actually negate each other and put forward the option of teens not noticing publicity when it is right under their noses as a consequence of being immune to them and perhaps having bigger fish to fry. Given that generation Z grew up in an advertisement packed environment, I believe there is an element of truth when the second text puts forward the option of young people paying little attention to publicity and therefore gaining, to some extent, immunity to it.
Although most people would generally agree that publicity takes little part on one’s life, few would deny that young people undergo through great difficulty when trying to be accepted through on-trend matters. It is to my belief that advertisements do take a significantly part in one’s life, in spite of that part being able to be controlled and not being in control. Conclusion a little too long. Ideally 3-4 lines.
Dear Carolina, thank you for writing. This is a free service and at the moment I am getting a lot of emails from CPE Students.
I hope my feedback helps. Unfortunately I do not have the time to write a very long and precise feedback but I am sure many of your peers can help you.
I invite all readers to leave a comment or ideas and corrections.