Monday, 29 May 2017

CPE Essay sample 2017 free feedback and writing correction

Dear Gustavo
Please correct my writing for CPE.

Eliza Fernandez



MEDIA AND INTRUSION

Everybody will agree to the point that over the past few years the extent of intrusion of the media has made into the private lives of individuals is unblustering for they are subsequently facing denigration to their right of privacy increased. The media has deviated from the informative role it once played in finding people important news on papers or containing useful information one sought all these have been mitigated since media and has engaged itself more into publishing facts and information related to private lives of famous individuals . How come the issue does not concern us ? (Feedback: Introduction hast to be short and to the point).

In most part the media is constantly tying up with the sort of news demanded from public part in that falls a section of people interested to stay tuned up with daily updates coming from glamour world which at large focus on the life of celebrities, film stars, directors politicians and the day to day gossips they pass on to media. In some cases, it becomes more serious when media stalk them and even paparazzize them only to add more publicity to their channels. Furthermore, flashing those sensitive issues like death, personal loss, crimes ,war or moments of major humanitarian crisis under the title of “ Breaking News” on tv screen is an evidence of media’s money making formula devised only to shaming the society. (Too many words. Go straight to the point. Task says: Outline the problems the media causes and how they affect the individual)

It is not expected from media to continue meddling with the personal life of people without their consent. I strongly agree that not only media but people are also responsible for encouraging media to interfere; for they want to dig more into others’ lives. In my belief, law has little to do to stop media’s outrageous nature therefore, common people have to come forward to protest against the arbitery nature long sustained by media. In addition, I opine that offenders committing crimes like paparazzi, stalking should be harshly punished. Last but not least, people should learn to adopt a more sympathetic and moral outlook towards those in grief.