Saturday, 3 June 2017
CPE Writing Part 2 Sample and feedback
Hi Gustavo, it's Nicola. It is a matter of days before my CPE exam in June and I would like to have an general idea of my writing skills. It would be nice from you to correct any grammar mistakes and to give an overall grade to both tasks I have done. Thank you and hope to hear from you soon!
Dear Mr/Mrs, (Feedback: Use Mr/Mrs only when you know the lastname)
I am writing with reference to the invitation to send personal embarrassing experiences which appeared in your blog. It is my intention to describe one of the most awkward episodes which characterised my early age. (Check)
Firstly, I would like to say that this event occured as a pure casuality and i could comprehend your difficulty at believing it. So, I was only six when for the first time I had the opportunity to watch a live soccer match at the stadium with my father . It was on the road to the stadium that I understood that day would have been a hard one to forget. As a matter of fact, I was captivated by the stands which rised long the road selling really ravishing food. However, no sooner was I drawn to one of those assistants behind the stand than he shouted with sn extremely high tone of voice the saled prices he offered and my imagination and desire disappeared and was frightened to enter the stadium.
Afterwards, once in the stadium on the encouragements of my father, I took a seat before the match started. I noticed around me the audience was so involved in the match that were unsettled in their seats. Hence, I started to follow them and trying to imitate their gestures. Nevertheless, I wrongly celebrated at a goal by the hosting team. There was absolute silence in the stadium. Everyone was staring at me as if I had shot someone. I felt uncomfortable in myself and broke into tears. The mere thought that I had been seen by more than six million people made me intimidate. Fortunately, I was relieved by the idea that people came to reassure me.
Finally, these are moments in life which are certainly memorable. By the same token, we ought to remember this experience in order not to fall into the same mistake time and again. It is important to acknowledge the error and omit it from our behaviour, as a life lesson in general.
Thus, I hope you will edit this letter in the next post of your blog.
Feedback: Nicola, you have used very formal language, but blogs tend to be rather informal. I would suggest making the text more light-hearted and easier to read. Try to use some phrasal verbs and spoken phrases, that can probably help.