CPE Letter to the Editor Correction

Hola, he leído en vuestra web que ayudáis a corregir writings, lo cual me alegra, porque quiero sacarme el c2 y al trabajar no tengo tiempo de ir a una academia, y claro necesito una ayuda con la parte del writings para saber cómo lo estoy haciendo.
Espero q me podáis ayudar.
saludos!!!

Raquel Vilaplana

Task: you have recently become aware of a situation which you believe to be wrong or unjust and which you think should be dealt with by the authorities.Write a letter to a newspaper clearly describing  that situation ,explaining the problems it causes and saying what you believe should be done about it:

Dear Sir or Madam,

Unfortunatelly bullying is increasingly affecting more and more schools. I currently work as a teacher at St Patirck’s school, and sadly I have to witness situations of bullying almost every day. This unfair and dramatic situation urge to be sttoped,  otherwise it will get more and more complicated. (Feedback: avoid repeating words)

Me, along my workmates My colleagues and I have reported  this issues to the school’s direction, and they transmitted to informed us that the situation is in the hands of the main authorities, which is a good sign, as it means  that the problem is being revised reviewed. However, the process is taken taking too long and time is very important in this situation as the health of the affected students is under threat both, physically and psycologically. So, in the meantime  we consider that something else should be done from the school’s direction, in order to reduce the amount of children being disturbed.

When I first started working here, clearly the situation was in control, it could be maybe there were one or maybe two incidents per month which were dealt successfully with the help of psycologists. Now, after one year, the number has increased alarmingly, and the situation is out of control, there is just one psycologist for the whole school, which used to be enough when everthing was under control ,but now, obviously external  help is needed, for instance, more psycologists and more supervision on the abusers. We, as teachers have been asked to keep an eye with on the problem,but they have to consider that we can not continuously interrupt the classes as the lessons need to be carry on.

It would be greateful  if this letter could be published on your newspaper with the aim of  make making the readers aware of it, and hopefully accelerate the authorities´ work in this worrying social phenomenom.

Yours faithfully

Name

Words: 299 

Feedback: 

- The most important one is probably to avoid repeating words. It shows that you lack vocabulary and that you don´t proofread. 

-Another thing to consider is the number of words. Which is not stated in the task. 

Apart from that well done and keep the good work !