Thursday, 29 June 2017

CPE Exam Writing Sample and Feedback

Dear CPESamplewritings,

I'm having a school exam for English writing next week at CAE/CPE level. I made a practice writing excercise from your website (http://cpesamplewritings.blogspot.nl/search/label/Essay%20Quality%20of%20life%20%28CPE%29)and I would very much appreciate if you corrected it.

Best regards,

Noa


See the feedback in red

Title??

There are all kinds of indexes which compare the ‘quality of life’ in various countries. However, ‘quality of life’ is a vague phrase. For how does one truly measure someone’s well-being and happiness?

These ‘quality of life’ indexes take several factors into account, like people’s health, the climate, political freedom and wealth. It is hard to say which factor is most important, although many people agree that health is a core factor. Being healthy is necessary to take part in society, that is, to work and meet new people. However, good health alone doesn’t make you a happy person.


I think that is because the most important aspects of quality of life cannot be measured. In the first place, you may think of family and friends. When they’re around, even a economically underdeveloped country can seem like a nice place. For a lonely person who lives in a ‘perfect’ country, it is a lot harder to achieve happiness.

Furthermore, people’s mindset is also important for their well-being. It is for good reason people always say: be satisfied with what you have. Aiming for more happiness may paradoxically take it away, because you’ll only think about what you’re missing and not about what you already have.

From my point of view, the people around you and your own mindset have most influence on your quality of life. I don’t think comparing one country with another is truly possible, since these things of course can’t be put into statistics.



Feedback: Although the text is well written, it seems way too simple for CPE level. If you use adjectives like "good" "happy" or "perfect" the examiner may think that you lack advanced vocabulary. Be careful with that !