Text is well organised. I also think that vocabulary and grammar are ok.
I would change the introduction completely, because I dont think it really summarises the essence of both texts. I would also change the last paragraph, I don't know how you arrive to that conclusion or how the conclusion is connected with the rest of the document.
I also don't think paragraphs 2 and 3 really represent the message the authors tried to communicate. I would re-think the essay in terms of content.