Sunday, 18 February 2018

CPE 2018 Essay Sample Writing Part 1 + feedback


¡Hola, Gustavo! Me llamo Silvia y soy graduada en Traducción e Interpretación. Me gustaría presentarme en un futuro (si pudiera ser no muy lejano) al Proficiency, más que nada para ponerme a prueba a mí misma y demostrar mis skills. Te envío el primer essay que he hecho, a ver qué tal lo ves y si alcanzaría el nivel. Pertenece a la primera parte. Te envío tanto los textos que piden que evalúe como el essay adjuntados en un Word. ¡Gracias de antemano!


Un saludo,

Silvia.



Write your answer in 240–280 words on the separate answer sheet.

Does memory have a future?
A good memory is invaluable. The inability to make use of memory and past experience can be a severe limitation on how well we perform both mentally and physically. Nowadays, we rely on computers, mobiles and other electronic devices to store our most important information, which can be recalled at the touch of a button. However, some people are concerned that this reliance on electronic equipment may affect the development of our internal memory system in the future. It remains to be seen whether these concerns turn out to be true.

The role of memory
We like to think of our memory as our record of the past, but all too often memories are influenced by imagination. It is risky, therefore, to regard memory as a source of knowledge, because we will never be able to verify the accuracy of a memory fully. Although memory is an unreliable source of knowledge about the past, its importance in self-identity is unquestionable. When a person suffers memory loss as a result of accident or illness, one of the most distressing consequences is likely to be a loss of self. Indeed, it can be argued that a person’s true identity resides in his or her collection of memories.

Text in red is not correct, or needs correction!
Final feedback at the end of the text

ESSAY PART 1 
No title???

The two texts present complementary viewpoints on the importance of memories and how people tend to give memory aids more priority than they should. This essay discusses the effects of the memory system in different aspects of human life. 


The first text entitled “Does memory have a future?” points out several ideas whose main question enables different interpretations. The first idea highlights the fact that people in the world are using the assistance of many electronic devices in order to improve their internal memory system if it was necessary. Besides, the text underlines that this practice it has not always been translated into reality, as there will come a time our memory will be affected. This fact is controversial but at the same time really evident. There will come a point that people will stop thinking by themselves.

The second text with the title “The role of memory” underscores the huge influence of the imagination in each memory people have. No one doubts that when you want to achieve something, there may be times you live it so much that you can imagine it. Notwithstanding, people cling to their memory as a source of knowledge, which can be perilous. The other simmering issue is the capacity to retain the own identity when someone suffers an accident and his or her brain is affected by this kind of collision. It does not necessarily mean that you lose your whole being, inasmuch as the text states that a human being is a compendium of recollections.

All in all, memory storages our experiences and has an important role in human development so everyone has to find a way to exercise it.


Final feedback: 
Text is well organised. I also think that vocabulary and grammar are ok.
I would change the introduction completely, because I dont think it really summarises the essence of both texts. I would also change the last paragraph, I don't know how you arrive to that conclusion or how the conclusion is connected with the rest of the document.
I also don't think paragraphs 2 and 3 really represent the message the authors tried to communicate. I would re-think the essay in terms of content.