CPE2018 Writing sample Unsustainable tourism

Dear Gustavo,

my name is Eva and I am preparing the CPE exam for the session in July. I know my weaknesses are in the writing and speaking part, since in a mock test (listening and reading) I have scored the highest. I'd like to practice a little bit with the writing part, and I have found your site really useful. Since you have written that we can send you texts for checking, here is mine. Here attached there are the instructions for the essay and my script. I hope to hear from you soon, possibly with good remarks.

Thanks a lot

Eva

Feedback in colour red

The tourism industry and its unsustainability

The first text draws the our attention to the drawbacks of tourism, when it is handled carelessly and only in the perspective of money-making. Unsustainable tourism has already caused causes great problems, both from an environmental point of view, as well as from a cultural stand. (Which ones? give examples and use related vocabulary) The extract then goes on to espouse the viewpoint that even the society itself has been suffering from a kind of disruption and dislocation caused by unthinking and unmanaged tourism, which has led local communities to lose their cohesion and feelings of belonging to a group.

The second writer agrees with the previously mentioned idea and even compares the tourism industry with a rapacious predator. However, his standpoint is not as negative, since he admits the fact that a sustainable form of tourism can actually exist, although these reforming initiatives often come either too late, once the damage has already been done, or are moved by purposes that little have to do with environmental issues. (This sentence is too long and has two connectors. Consider re-writing it).

On the whole, I tend to agree with the second writer and his slightly positive attitude, due to the fact that I have witnessed myself examples of sustainable tourism and I am persuaded it can succeed. As a matter of fact, when things are run correctly, keeping an eye on the future and if everyone truly feels a pure commitment to nature and sustainability, travel trade will just get better and improve, reaching excellence and even resolving issues that date back to a short-sighted and hopefully obsolete past. (This last sentence is way too long and difficult to read).