Monday, 2 July 2018

Discursive essay CPE 2018 sample and feedback

Hello Gustavo,

I just bumped into your blog today and I find it really helpful. Find attached a document with a CPE essay which I would be very thankful if you upload it and correct it on your site.

Thanks a lot in advance!

Regards,
Almudena



Feedback in red

Quality of life

Many experts have said state that ‘quality of life’ involves different matters, being health on the top of the list. On the one hand, there are aspects which can be modified by us such as our job satisfaction or our social life. On the other hand, there are other conditions which are not under one’s control like politics or the weather. Nevertheless, all of them agree on the fact that as long as a person is healthy and surrounded by people who love them, they can have a good quality of life.

According to the first passage, it is unlikely that an individual’s life is perfect in all aspects but if someone is mentally and physically healthy has the power of happiness in their hands due to this will allow them to keep a job and have an active community life. (Sentence is too long). Unluckily, there are people who live in a country without political freedom or awful weather and they cannot do anything about it.

The second text raises the issue of the influence of media may have on us. Some magazines articles insist on showing us which cities are the best to live in and which ones have the best climate. Unfortunately, for most of us it is difficult to move to another city for random reasons. (Not sure what you mean by "for random reasons")

On balance, it is believed Al in all, I strongly agree that both body and mental health are essential to get the coveted good quality of life. A different way of seeing things could change our lives completely; accepting things we cannot change and improving those we can modify making excitement and hopes the core of our routine. (How do you arrive at this conclusion? I find it weak and suggest re-writing it)


General feedback: I appreciate how the text is organised in 4 paragraphs. I think the task was fulfilled but the vocabulary level needs to be improved to reach cpe level.