Cambridge CPE 2017 Sample Essay and Feedback

Dear Gustavo, 

I would really appreciate it if you could revise this essay I have just written for my upcoming CPE exam. The piece can be found attached to this email in Word format. 

Many thanks in advance and I look forward to hearing from you. 

Regards,

Rocío 

Feedback in red

Home is where the heart is

It is often the case that the first place that flashes through our minds when in need of an appropriate space to relax and disconnect from the many personal and professional maelstroms taking place in life happens to be our very own dwelling. Indeed, this seems to be one of the advantages and inconveniences of staying at home.

The first text puts forward the idea that only at home will are we be able to find a certain degree of peace and quiet. (say way we have so much stress and how we can relax at home) One justification often given for this statement is that there is no place like home, thus suggesting that it provides us with the necessary gadgets so as to achieve a state of nirvana. (Feedback: Not clear enough what you mean)

In this sense, the second extract argues, perhaps much to our dismay, that domestic life can be seen as "rather restrictive, or simply dull", and held accountable for our social lives, or lack thereof. (?) Nevertheless, it should not be forgotten that tranquillity is not always synonymous with isolation or even unsociability, which is precisely a clichéd notion depicted in the second passage. I am inclined to believe that finding solace in going out solely for the sake of being sociable ought not to be regarded as a plausible avenue.  ( relevant? ) Feedback: Paragraph 2 is about how we reflect our personality at home, for example through decoration)

As a matter of fact, it is worth bearing in mind that different personalities entail different perspectives from which to assess this concept, therefore not everyone might feel entitled not to remain within the boundaries of their homes. After all, how are we supposed to feel at ease in a public place whose displayed decorative assortments or, even worse, gathered audience have not been carefully selected and approved of by us? (Why this paragraph? )

All things considered, and (?) unwelcoming or tedious an idea as though it may seem at first sight, staying at home implies a great deal of upsides. This is not to say that we should not seek contentment outside the comfort of our sofa. Ultimately, as the saying goes, home is where the heart is - be it indoors or outside the confines of our residence. (Conclusion not clear)