CPE Cambridge Exam: Essay on Teenagers

Dear Gustavo,I hope you can help me by correcting one of my essays, as I am taking the CPE next week.

Write an essay about the main problems teenagers have in your country. Describe them, and explain their causes and suggest possible solutions.

My answer:

An Opinion Essay (CPE Exam): 

Teenagers in my country

Feedback in blue. A couple of words were added.

There are a lot of negative opinions out there, when it comes to the younger generation. Some people claim they are too dependent on technology, as they are often seen spending a lot of time on their smartphones, even sometimes choosing online communication over real one. Additionally, there have been instances cases of older people speaking against teenagers' habit of being too sensitive and taking offence in everything.

However, when you look at the history of mankind, you are likely to find many instances cases of older generation members disliking something about the new one. As a result, it makes me wonder if the criticism we're so eager to express is just a form of resisting any sort of change, or maybe even progress.

On the other hand, There is evidence of the new generation being affected by technology in a good way as well, making them more connected and more engaged both socially and politically. Moreover, technological advancements make various education tools available to them, making it possible for younger people to learn about this world without having to go to the library. This leads to a yearly increase in young people getting higher education, and therefore benefits our society in a significant way. In addition to that, it is my opinion that in being 'too sensitive' the new generation is examining the existing societal norms and trying to be more inclusive, promoting diversity and individuality. 

So what can we do in order to come together despite or obvious personal differences? It is my belief that there should be a step in the direction of an open-minded and constructive conversation and even discussion from both sides. By engaging in a respectful interaction, we might be able to show each other that our world-views don't need to be defined by our age. As a matter a fact, trying to show highlighting the benefits of technology, instead of focusing on the negative aspects, might end up bringing both generations closer together.

Thank you in advance.

Best Regards,

Jeka