Writing task
A job fair was recently held in your town for
international organizations and companies to promote careers available for
young people. You have been asked to write a report of the jobs fair for your
college website. You should briefly describe the event and identify two or
three promotions of particular interest and relevance. You should also evaluate
the extent to which such events can open young people’s minds to new challenges
and career opportunities. Write your report.
Text submitted by Edoardo.
Feedback in red
Report on the jobs fair in Fulham
Introduction
The aim of this report is to discuss the jobs fair
that is yearly held in the Borough of Fulham, evaluating the important role it
plays on young people’s career choices. (Intro is too short. I would erase the word "important" because it sounds like a conclusion)
The event
Following the task I was given by my college, I have
written this report to bring into focus the main features of this acclaimed
jobs fair which only came to an end last Saturday. The event was originally
designed to tackle youth-related unemployment with the objective to bringing
its percentage down to 23% in the next two years. Not only does it entail an
assistance team which offers one-to-one consultation sessions with an expert
during the week, but it also made arrangements for individual job interviews
with well-known organisation chiefs who are intended to hire new teenagers. (Check grammar: with the objective to... )
Eye peak on the fair
The event offered multiple job opportunities in
several sectors, ranging from the transportation to the marketing business. The
food industry deserves a particular mention due to the enormous exhibitions
regarding the history of the most common aliments and their production methods.
The beauty field also offered one-day massage courses for aspiring
aestheticians. Given the high quality standard of the jobs fair, I decided to
attend it for a day and interview some of the visitors to ask for their
opinion. What emerged from this survey is presented in the following paragraph.
Popularity of the jobs fair
Due to their limitative policy of job offers for the
youth, most of the visitors turned out to be between the age of 18 and 25.
Nonetheless, a remarkable figure of younger people were present that day,
claiming their high interest in discovering more about employment orientation
and upcoming careers. Most of the interviewees stated to have changed their
views on the job world thanks to the event, however a small number of them made
complaints about the numerous crowd which impeeded a smooth flow of people at
times.(I would change the title for "survey on popularity of the job fair")
Conclusion
Clearly, such events draw the young public’s
attention, which is more and more on their first job opportunities that will
guide them into the professional world, and due to the positive feedback of the
fair, I would recommend its reiteration in the coming years. (I would not use the word "clearly". Check the first and second lines, they don't make much sense).
Edoardo
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